annoying things that couples do

We all know or have seen couples who do the dumbest mess in public. I personally have been out of the dating scene for a while, but god knows when I do jump back in, me and my girlfriend will not act this triflant. And if we do, I hope y'all will call us out on it. Anyway, here are some of my top pet-peeves when it comes to couples.

1. PDA.

- OK, let me be clear. I'm not against love. If you want to hold hands in public, or grab a quick kiss on the way to class, be my guest. Do not, however, stand there and dry-hump each other on the steps of Williams when I need to get to class. YOU WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN. CLASS IS AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG, TOPS. Unless you're on a sinking ship and your ass is about to go plunging into the North Atlantic, you have no business sucking face in public like that. It's uncomfortable.

2. Sit on the same side of the table at a restaurant

- This is one of those things that probably shouldn't bother me, but it does. Why the hell, if you have a four-person table, and its only two of you, would you want to sit on the same side? I need my space, girl. I'm paying 15 bucks a plate for this mess, and I will be damned if I'm gonna be all cramped in some booth tryin to eat it. Plus its awkward for conversation. I don't know, maybe its just me, but when I'm talking to someone, I like to be able to look them in the face, not from the side. This is all sorts of awkward, and whenever I see people doing it I want to go flip their table and smack them.

3. Take pictures of themselves kissing/laying in bed and post them on Facebook.

- When I open my facebook, I don't want to be confronted with an entire album of you and your significant other spooning/making out. It's awkward. It's in the same league as naked baby photos, and the infamous "duck face". And the album always has some vague song lyric title. You get on someone's page and you see "20 new photos added to the album: "to write love on her arms" and they're all in a sepia filter. YOU ARE NOT CUTE.

4. Have a joint Facebook page.

- I just don't understand this. A Facebook is meant to be your own personal page. This just really seems like a ploy by obsessive people to keep tabs on their significant other online. If you're that insecure that you can't trust your boo not to creep online, you've got bigger issues at hand.

5. Air out your dirty laundry.

- You all know that couple that has been on and off for a year or so. When they're good, they're good. But God help us all when it goes south. Cause you will see every bit of the ensuing shitshow on your news feed. "X is in a relationship with Y and its complicated." Whatever you do, do not ask what happened. You will be dragged into the 7th circle of relationship hell and beaten with Satan's colostomy bag.

So basically, if you can have a relationship with someone and not completely lose your damned mind, you're doing it right. If you've done any of the things I've mentioned above, F*** you. (jk. but not really.)

OUT.