HOLY SHITBALLS THAT WAS EXCITING

So, unless you live under a rock, you've probably heard about the epicness that was Virginia Tech vs. Miami this past Saturday. That was probably one of my top 5 moments in Lane. I mean, when you make the ground shake, it's gotta be up there. That being said, LETS NEVER F***ING DO THAT AGAIN. My old-ass heart is too fragile to take that sort of stress. I very nearly passed out. Which would have been unfortunate for the 80-something grandma I would have fallen on. Anyway, lets talk about the game:

Welcome Back, LT3. Yes, I know I was very critical. Maybe it was anger at the loss. Maybe it was the rum. But I was livid. And rightly so. Logan did not play like he was capable against Clemson. He did, however, more than make up for it against Miami. 92 f***ing percent completion. No interceptions. The only two passes he didn't connect on were a pitch to avoid a sack and a receiver drop. And, lets not forget what will henceforth be called "the run". The run that saved our season from disaster. That run may very well have sparked a run to the ACC title for us. Incredible. Not so incredible, however...

... the defense. Well, maybe thats not entirely fair. LT3 was scoring at will, so they were on the field for a while. I guess they just got tire.. wait... this is a BUD FOSTER DEFENSE. YOU DON'T GET TIRED. 519 yards against us AT HOME is unacceptable. They played well for a half, and then decided to mail it in in the second half. Which, I guess if you look at it in a glass-half-full kind of way, would have never given us the opportunity for such an epic finish. But seriously guys, when you let a 14 point cushion go at home, it makes for a very nervous Critter. In other news...

WE GOT A PUNTER. Well, I think he's a punter. Anyway, he can punt more than 11 yards, which is fine by me. Funniest part of the game: the entire crowd going nuts when we punt on 4th down.

Up next: Wake Forest. Should be easy. They're like what, 1-3 in the ACC? FALSE. 3-0. Just beat FSU. This game scares the crap out of me. It screams trap game. Wake is good and not to be underestimated. That being said, I predict a typical Hokie win: close and down to the wire. 24-17. Get Pumped.

LETS GO...

OUT.

(P.S. Some of you may have noticed that this seems to be evolving into a VT Football blog. If this offends you, sorry bout it. We'll return to normal after football season)

Hokie Hokie Hokie Low

Well, you knew it was coming, kids. The annual Hokie letdown. This game was about 28 kinds of hot-ass-messness. I'm not even sure where to begin. So lets just start with the game itself and see where that takes us.

Clemson. Bitch-ass Clemson. We've owned them both times we've played them since joining the ACC. Sure, they're rolling. And they're ranked. But they can't come up into Lane AT NIGHT and run all over us, right? WRONG. This game was triflance at its finest. Thank God the defense showed up, or we may have never had that field goal. Seriously, we're at home and all we can muster up is a field goal?!?!? AND WE HAD THE BALL ON THE 1-MOTHERF***ING YARD LINE. But, I'll discuss that more in a minute. The offense looked pathetic at best. Logan Thomas (aka Cam Newton part deux minus all the talent) could very easily work for a telegraph service, seeing as thats all he ever does. My seats are somewhere up in the stratosphere, Logan. If I, from way up there, can tell where the ball is going, SO CAN THE DEFENSE. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

The funny thing about this game is that in the grand scheme of things, it might not even matter. Virginia, Duke, Miami, Georgia Tech, and North Carolina. Those are the only teams we have to beat to find ourselves in Charlotte in December. So, the season is not lost. However, there is a problem here that needs to be addressed if we ever want that shiny football. WE DON'T GET UP FOR BIG GAMES. Alabama. Clemson. Boise State. 3 years, 3 big games, 3 losses. Win any of those games in their respective seasons and we're legitimate national title contenders. AND, the frustrating thing is that its not like we're not capable. Alabama, we had a lead going into the 4th quarter. Boise, we came back from a 17-point deficit and had the lead with only a few minutes left in the game. Clemson was a blowout, but it wouldn't have been if we'd been playing at our full potential. That's where we, the fans, are starting to get restless. It's disappointing to watch your team roll over in a big game year after year. We've gotten complacent with 10 win seasons and ACC championships and we don't expect more from our teams. Which brings me to my next point:

Just because you're critical of your team doesn't make you any less of a fan. I've seen many opinions on this subject on facebook the past weekend, and this is mine. In fact, I'd argue that it makes you more of a fan because you actually give a damn about what they're doing instead of just saying "oh, its ok." No, dammit, it's not ok. I eat, sleep, and breathe VT. I remember staying up late in 6th grade to watch the 1999 National Championship game. Another game where we lead going into the 4th, only to have our hopes dashed. It's time the fan base holds the administration accountable for not getting their shit ready for big games. We're tired of seeing this. A 23-3 blowout at home is just unacceptable. Speaking of the administration...

... really, Frank? You and your butthurt QB are seriously going to blame the band for that 3rd and goal on the 1? That is beyond low. It's one thing to admit that the team wasn't ready. That Logan isn't that experienced. But to have the nerve to blame the band for your inadequacies is about the lowest thing you could have done. It's a cop-out, it's classless, and it makes it extremely difficult to support you. For the first time in probably my life, I actually thought about whether or not I was going to wear a Tech shirt out of the house yesterday. And not because of the game. But because of the excuse-making and finger-pointing and the lack of character that they exhibited after it.

That being said, I still support this team. I've been a Hokie far too long to abandon ship. I'll continue to be critical of them, however, because until someone is, we're not ever going to get anywhere. Charlotte should not be the ultimate goal every year. For this year, though, it's all we have left. And I for one want Heather Dimbitch to have to write about us winning another ACC title. The fact that she was actually right about us should be enough motivation for Hokies everywhere, fans and players, to get it done the rest of this year. So lets put on our big-boy pants and still make something of this season, starting with beating the f*** out of Miami saturday.

LETS GO...

OUT.

Rainbows, Sperrys, and You

so, as many people have reminded me again and again (and again and again and again and again and AGAIN), my blog has been without a post for entirely too long. I pondered tirelessly how I would explain my absence to you faithful readers, and I could only come up with one explanation: I'm lazy. Sorry bout it. Anyway, while I was away, I had the displeasure of sitting through this shitload of triflance. Apparently this fool named Lance Diamond (I personally have a hard time believing that Diamond is this child's name) can't wear shoes like normal people. And life has just gotten so damn hard for this child that he had to make a 5-minute long video to tell the world about his plight. This is all sorts of hot a** mess-ness for a ton of reasons, some of which I will now take you through...

1. About 30 seconds to 1 minute into the video, this fool puts his nasty-ass feet up in the camera. It's bad enough that you're bitching about your shoes on the internet, but ain't nobody tryin' to see your stank-ass feet up on their screen. That is all sorts of rude.

2. He just had to announce to the world that he goes to Virginia Tech. As if any of the rest of us were tryin to be implicated in this shitshow. there are around 26,000 students at this university, and I know damned well that 25,999 of us were taught as a child how to wear shoes. Clearly, Mr. Diamond was neglected that lesson as a child.

3. He wants to be a frat-boy. No further explanation necessary.

4. "My dad is a lawyer for Exxon, so that basically means he runs the world"... Really, bitch? Thats the logic you're using? Because thats the logic a kindergartener would use. STOP EMBARASSING US.

I could go on, but frankly, it makes my head hurt to try to sort out the illogical clusterfuck that is Lance Diamond. A statement from Mr. Diamond after the video had been released claimed that this was just a "joke video." Either he's trying to cover his ass, or he's the worst comedian since Adam Carolla. I personally think it's both. Rumor has it that he actually got a bid to one of the frats. Somehow, I think he'll fit right in. As if we need more of them running around. But, thats another topic for another post.

OUT.

clothes, bad drivers, and FOOTBALL

so its been a while since my last post. sorry bout it. school sucks. anyway, lets dive right in, shall we?

1. PSA to all the freshmen: just because you're in college now doesn't mean you can completely lose your damned minds. This goes for everything, but especially your attire. I know, I know. Mommy isn't dressing you anymore, so you finally have some leeway with your choice of dress. This doesn't, however, give you an excuse to come out the house looking like a colorblind mess. I saw some child walk across the drillfield the other day with blue hair, a fire-engine red top, a pink skirt, and green shoes. Seriously, what are you doing with your life? It's like these fools just wake up, go stumble around in their closet for about 10 minutes, and walk out wearing whatever happened to fall on them. And, while we're on this, let me take a minute to call out all of you guys who think it's acceptable to wear sandals with jeans. Because it's not. If its cold enough outside for your ass to be wearing jeans, then its probably cold enough to cover your damned feet. This is triflance at its finest.

2. A lot of things piss me off, but probably few do so more than ignorant-ass drivers. Case in point: I was driving to class today, and this fool in a huge truck decides to forget himself and speed past me, and then cut me off. Now, he's lucky I have Jesus in my life, because otherwise I would have pulled his ass over and gone off on him like Oprah on Stedman. And, to make things worse, as he passed me, I noticed him mean-muggin' me. Bitch, you must think very highly of yourself to try this shit with me, and obviously you don't know who I am, but I can set you straight in about 5 minutes. Don't test me.

3. FOOTBALL. Besides the fact that I was gettin damn tired of hearing about that lockout mess, I'm ecstatic that it's back. Especially College Football. As I was watching Wisconsin curb-stomp UNLV last night, I was thinking. All of these other teams annihilated their creampuffs. Even GT. THE BUMBLEBEES. And you know our asses will be lucky to beat App State by 7 this weekend. This is unacceptable. If we don't at least score 60 points on these asshats, I promise I will punt someones child through the uprights from the 50-yard-line. Come on, kids. If the bumblebees can do it, so can we. But, no matter. I hope to be in a tryptophan (and maybe rum) induced stupor by the third quarter anyway. TURKEY LEGS FTW.

VT > the Hot Hot Hot Mountaineers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVENWl8uBeg

LETS GO....

OUT.

Earthquakes, 1st day of classes, and Hunger Games.

So, basically, our planet is about to explode. Thats it. Just all of a sudden BOOM. Either that, or someone seriously f***ed up somewhere, because 2011 has been nothing but a giant ecological and climate shitshow. You had the tsunami in Japan, tornadoes out the ass, the rapture, and now earthquakes. IN SOUTHWEST VIRGINIA. I mean, I know they can happen anywhere really, but they usually don't here. Of course, I never actually felt the earthquake, so when I heard about it, I dismissed the claims and assumed that the more likely scenario was that Ralph Friedgen fell down somewhere. (Side note, the quake just missed our dear friends in Hooville by about 27 miles. AIM BETTER NEXT TIME, NATURE.) I can only assume that mother nature is going through menopause at this point. It's the only logical explanation. Either that or we're gonna have to toss Lindsay Lohan into the nearest volcano and hope that it works. I rather doubt that it will. we're all f***ed.

As if the ground moving all crazy wasnt enough, I had my first day of classes on Monday. Lets just talk about that little gem for a minute. Freshmen suck. When I was a freshman, I sucked. Thats just how it is. But these new freshmen have lost their minds. Case in point: I'm walking to Moe's to get my burrito (y'all know it was Moe Monday), and these two kids with maps were talking and standing RIGHT IN THE DAMN CENTER of the sidewalk. But, they look lost so I'll let that pass. As I'm walking down the sidewalk, I find that I can't avoid them, so I say "Excuse me". These bold-ass kids look at me and go "Do you not see me standing here talking?" Now, at that time, I was trying to summon every bit of religion and good-manners my momma had instilled in me, because if I'd lost it, it would have taken Jesus himself coming down from heaven with Chuck Norris to keep me from choking these fools out. Clearly you don't know who I am, but I can set you straight in about 5 seconds. The nerve.

Lastly, I'm going to take a step back from ranting to express my OVERWHELMING EXCITEMENT for the Hunger Games movies. March 23, 2012, yall. If you haven't read these books yet, drop whatever you're doing and GO READ THEM. Although I swear to God if the Twilight nerds turn this into a Team Gale/Peeta thing I'm gonna find every last one of them and punch them in the neck.

OUT.

annoying things that couples do

We all know or have seen couples who do the dumbest mess in public. I personally have been out of the dating scene for a while, but god knows when I do jump back in, me and my girlfriend will not act this triflant. And if we do, I hope y'all will call us out on it. Anyway, here are some of my top pet-peeves when it comes to couples.

1. PDA.

- OK, let me be clear. I'm not against love. If you want to hold hands in public, or grab a quick kiss on the way to class, be my guest. Do not, however, stand there and dry-hump each other on the steps of Williams when I need to get to class. YOU WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN. CLASS IS AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG, TOPS. Unless you're on a sinking ship and your ass is about to go plunging into the North Atlantic, you have no business sucking face in public like that. It's uncomfortable.

2. Sit on the same side of the table at a restaurant

- This is one of those things that probably shouldn't bother me, but it does. Why the hell, if you have a four-person table, and its only two of you, would you want to sit on the same side? I need my space, girl. I'm paying 15 bucks a plate for this mess, and I will be damned if I'm gonna be all cramped in some booth tryin to eat it. Plus its awkward for conversation. I don't know, maybe its just me, but when I'm talking to someone, I like to be able to look them in the face, not from the side. This is all sorts of awkward, and whenever I see people doing it I want to go flip their table and smack them.

3. Take pictures of themselves kissing/laying in bed and post them on Facebook.

- When I open my facebook, I don't want to be confronted with an entire album of you and your significant other spooning/making out. It's awkward. It's in the same league as naked baby photos, and the infamous "duck face". And the album always has some vague song lyric title. You get on someone's page and you see "20 new photos added to the album: "to write love on her arms" and they're all in a sepia filter. YOU ARE NOT CUTE.

4. Have a joint Facebook page.

- I just don't understand this. A Facebook is meant to be your own personal page. This just really seems like a ploy by obsessive people to keep tabs on their significant other online. If you're that insecure that you can't trust your boo not to creep online, you've got bigger issues at hand.

5. Air out your dirty laundry.

- You all know that couple that has been on and off for a year or so. When they're good, they're good. But God help us all when it goes south. Cause you will see every bit of the ensuing shitshow on your news feed. "X is in a relationship with Y and its complicated." Whatever you do, do not ask what happened. You will be dragged into the 7th circle of relationship hell and beaten with Satan's colostomy bag.

So basically, if you can have a relationship with someone and not completely lose your damned mind, you're doing it right. If you've done any of the things I've mentioned above, F*** you. (jk. but not really.)

OUT.

Pharmacy Etiquette

As most of you know, I work as a Pharmacy Technician. It's a rewarding job, and I've learned a lot. I've also seen some of the most idiotic people on the face of the planet. Suffice it to say that tonight was worse than a 7-day cruise through Satan's GI tract. Therefore, I'm dedicating this post to some of my pet-peeves working at a pharmacy. If you use a pharmacy for anything, DONT F***ING DO THIS SHIT.

1. Come Correct

- If you are going to come get your shit filled, know your insurance information. This applies to everyone, especially all of you sorority girls whose daddies are still paying for everything. Time to put your big girl shorts on and be on your shit. I have about 17 billion other things to do in my job than to sit around and try to figure out what drug plan you have with no information.

2. Why is it gonna take 15 minutes? All it is is just putting a label on a box right?

- If you say this to me, I'm not going to act out on it, but in my mind I'ma be choking your ass out so damn hard. In a world where we all wanted our shit 5 minutes ago, telling someone their wait will be 15 minutes is tantamount to calling their grandmother a whore. There is a lot of stuff going on to get you your meds in a timely manner. And, guess what? YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY DAMN PERSON WHO USES MY PHARMACY. Oh, yes. Let me drop filling Mrs. Jenkins' diabeetis medicine that she needs to f***ing live, so you can have your birth control so you and your man can get it in tonight. Clearly your needs are superior to hers. STFU.

3. It is not my fault that your triflant-ass insurance plan doesn't pay for your shit.

- I legitimately had one lady bless me out up and down one time because her insurance was crappy, and it was clearly my fault. I don't write your insurance formularies (for those who aren't familiar, a formulary is a list of drugs an insurance will pay for. Chances are if you need it, it's not on there). I'm not a damn psychic. I don't know what's on your plan. If you were on top of your shit (see #1), you'd know what your plan will and will not pay for. I'm not Miss Cleo behind the counter.

4. If you drive up in an escalade, and you threw some d's on that bitch, and you got a new phone and bling hanging from your neck, but your ass is on government assistance, it's time to re-evaluate your life decisions. That all I'm gonna say about that hot ass mess.

5. Just because there's a drive-thru doesn't mean you should use it.

- Seriously though. This isn't f***ing mcdonalds. It's a pharmacy. We have other shit to be doing besides coming to the window to deal with your lazy ass. And if you are gonna use the drive-thru, its to pick up your medicine only. No lie, this guy once asked me for a USA Today and a Coke. Really? (DISCLAIMER: the elderly and the handicapped get a pass on this. I'm more than happy to assist those who can't physically get up and walk into the store.)

So, basically, show up to the pharmacy with your shit straight, and it will be a pleasant experience for all of us. :D

OUT.