Earthquakes, 1st day of classes, and Hunger Games.

So, basically, our planet is about to explode. Thats it. Just all of a sudden BOOM. Either that, or someone seriously f***ed up somewhere, because 2011 has been nothing but a giant ecological and climate shitshow. You had the tsunami in Japan, tornadoes out the ass, the rapture, and now earthquakes. IN SOUTHWEST VIRGINIA. I mean, I know they can happen anywhere really, but they usually don't here. Of course, I never actually felt the earthquake, so when I heard about it, I dismissed the claims and assumed that the more likely scenario was that Ralph Friedgen fell down somewhere. (Side note, the quake just missed our dear friends in Hooville by about 27 miles. AIM BETTER NEXT TIME, NATURE.) I can only assume that mother nature is going through menopause at this point. It's the only logical explanation. Either that or we're gonna have to toss Lindsay Lohan into the nearest volcano and hope that it works. I rather doubt that it will. we're all f***ed.

As if the ground moving all crazy wasnt enough, I had my first day of classes on Monday. Lets just talk about that little gem for a minute. Freshmen suck. When I was a freshman, I sucked. Thats just how it is. But these new freshmen have lost their minds. Case in point: I'm walking to Moe's to get my burrito (y'all know it was Moe Monday), and these two kids with maps were talking and standing RIGHT IN THE DAMN CENTER of the sidewalk. But, they look lost so I'll let that pass. As I'm walking down the sidewalk, I find that I can't avoid them, so I say "Excuse me". These bold-ass kids look at me and go "Do you not see me standing here talking?" Now, at that time, I was trying to summon every bit of religion and good-manners my momma had instilled in me, because if I'd lost it, it would have taken Jesus himself coming down from heaven with Chuck Norris to keep me from choking these fools out. Clearly you don't know who I am, but I can set you straight in about 5 seconds. The nerve.

Lastly, I'm going to take a step back from ranting to express my OVERWHELMING EXCITEMENT for the Hunger Games movies. March 23, 2012, yall. If you haven't read these books yet, drop whatever you're doing and GO READ THEM. Although I swear to God if the Twilight nerds turn this into a Team Gale/Peeta thing I'm gonna find every last one of them and punch them in the neck.

OUT.

annoying things that couples do

We all know or have seen couples who do the dumbest mess in public. I personally have been out of the dating scene for a while, but god knows when I do jump back in, me and my girlfriend will not act this triflant. And if we do, I hope y'all will call us out on it. Anyway, here are some of my top pet-peeves when it comes to couples.

1. PDA.

- OK, let me be clear. I'm not against love. If you want to hold hands in public, or grab a quick kiss on the way to class, be my guest. Do not, however, stand there and dry-hump each other on the steps of Williams when I need to get to class. YOU WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN. CLASS IS AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG, TOPS. Unless you're on a sinking ship and your ass is about to go plunging into the North Atlantic, you have no business sucking face in public like that. It's uncomfortable.

2. Sit on the same side of the table at a restaurant

- This is one of those things that probably shouldn't bother me, but it does. Why the hell, if you have a four-person table, and its only two of you, would you want to sit on the same side? I need my space, girl. I'm paying 15 bucks a plate for this mess, and I will be damned if I'm gonna be all cramped in some booth tryin to eat it. Plus its awkward for conversation. I don't know, maybe its just me, but when I'm talking to someone, I like to be able to look them in the face, not from the side. This is all sorts of awkward, and whenever I see people doing it I want to go flip their table and smack them.

3. Take pictures of themselves kissing/laying in bed and post them on Facebook.

- When I open my facebook, I don't want to be confronted with an entire album of you and your significant other spooning/making out. It's awkward. It's in the same league as naked baby photos, and the infamous "duck face". And the album always has some vague song lyric title. You get on someone's page and you see "20 new photos added to the album: "to write love on her arms" and they're all in a sepia filter. YOU ARE NOT CUTE.

4. Have a joint Facebook page.

- I just don't understand this. A Facebook is meant to be your own personal page. This just really seems like a ploy by obsessive people to keep tabs on their significant other online. If you're that insecure that you can't trust your boo not to creep online, you've got bigger issues at hand.

5. Air out your dirty laundry.

- You all know that couple that has been on and off for a year or so. When they're good, they're good. But God help us all when it goes south. Cause you will see every bit of the ensuing shitshow on your news feed. "X is in a relationship with Y and its complicated." Whatever you do, do not ask what happened. You will be dragged into the 7th circle of relationship hell and beaten with Satan's colostomy bag.

So basically, if you can have a relationship with someone and not completely lose your damned mind, you're doing it right. If you've done any of the things I've mentioned above, F*** you. (jk. but not really.)

OUT.

Pharmacy Etiquette

As most of you know, I work as a Pharmacy Technician. It's a rewarding job, and I've learned a lot. I've also seen some of the most idiotic people on the face of the planet. Suffice it to say that tonight was worse than a 7-day cruise through Satan's GI tract. Therefore, I'm dedicating this post to some of my pet-peeves working at a pharmacy. If you use a pharmacy for anything, DONT F***ING DO THIS SHIT.

1. Come Correct

- If you are going to come get your shit filled, know your insurance information. This applies to everyone, especially all of you sorority girls whose daddies are still paying for everything. Time to put your big girl shorts on and be on your shit. I have about 17 billion other things to do in my job than to sit around and try to figure out what drug plan you have with no information.

2. Why is it gonna take 15 minutes? All it is is just putting a label on a box right?

- If you say this to me, I'm not going to act out on it, but in my mind I'ma be choking your ass out so damn hard. In a world where we all wanted our shit 5 minutes ago, telling someone their wait will be 15 minutes is tantamount to calling their grandmother a whore. There is a lot of stuff going on to get you your meds in a timely manner. And, guess what? YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY DAMN PERSON WHO USES MY PHARMACY. Oh, yes. Let me drop filling Mrs. Jenkins' diabeetis medicine that she needs to f***ing live, so you can have your birth control so you and your man can get it in tonight. Clearly your needs are superior to hers. STFU.

3. It is not my fault that your triflant-ass insurance plan doesn't pay for your shit.

- I legitimately had one lady bless me out up and down one time because her insurance was crappy, and it was clearly my fault. I don't write your insurance formularies (for those who aren't familiar, a formulary is a list of drugs an insurance will pay for. Chances are if you need it, it's not on there). I'm not a damn psychic. I don't know what's on your plan. If you were on top of your shit (see #1), you'd know what your plan will and will not pay for. I'm not Miss Cleo behind the counter.

4. If you drive up in an escalade, and you threw some d's on that bitch, and you got a new phone and bling hanging from your neck, but your ass is on government assistance, it's time to re-evaluate your life decisions. That all I'm gonna say about that hot ass mess.

5. Just because there's a drive-thru doesn't mean you should use it.

- Seriously though. This isn't f***ing mcdonalds. It's a pharmacy. We have other shit to be doing besides coming to the window to deal with your lazy ass. And if you are gonna use the drive-thru, its to pick up your medicine only. No lie, this guy once asked me for a USA Today and a Coke. Really? (DISCLAIMER: the elderly and the handicapped get a pass on this. I'm more than happy to assist those who can't physically get up and walk into the store.)

So, basically, show up to the pharmacy with your shit straight, and it will be a pleasant experience for all of us. :D

OUT.

random things I'm opinionated about

1. Leggo.

- whoever started this mess should be dragged out to the nearest field and beaten with an english book. Unless you're talking about your damned Eggo waffles, STFU. You sound like a moron when you say this. You're bringing the collective IQ of the world down every single time you use it, and God knows between the Kardashians and dubstep, we need all the help we can get.

2. The University of Vagi.. erm, Virginia

-if you know me, you know how much of a distaste I have for Jefferson's minions. And not really because of the rivalry, either. It's just the general douchebaggery. "Oh, I'm going to toss the frisbee on the grounds with some of the first-years." Really, bitch? It's a campus, just like every other school in America has a campus. Get the hell over yourselves. That and the fact that I can't take two damn steps in Charlottesville without some busted-ass rendition of Thomas Jefferson staring me in the face. Little known fact: Every day at selected times, UVA students must face Monticello and bow to a bronzed statue of Jefferson. (that's not true, but could you imagine?). I could go on about this, but you get the point.

**DISCLAIMER: I have some friends who went to Massa Jefferson's University, and should you guys happen to read this, sorry bout it. But y'all know just as well as we do that yall act triflant up there in Hooville. Dont front.

3. Liking certain things just because you're in college

- Where is it written that just because you're in college, you have to like certain things? For instance, many college-aged people like the Monty Python movies. I personally think they're shit on film. I expressed my opinions to some of my friends, who promptly decided to lose their damned minds. Like, seriously. If I don't like something, bitch I don't like it. Nowhere on my application to Virginia Tech was there a place to check whether or not I'm a Dane Cook fan. The Dave Matthews Band doesn't do it for me, I've never seen Spaceballs, and Anchorman utterly sucked. DEAL WITH IT.

If you have any suggestions on things you'd like me to discuss, feel free to share them.

first post

so I decided to start this blog after the idea came into my mind (and at the prodding of a couple friends). Basically I'm just gonna post about the funny shit that happens to me on a daily basis, or just rant about things I find stupid/annoying (hot ass messes). So stay tuned, kids.