Rainbows, Sperrys, and You

so, as many people have reminded me again and again (and again and again and again and again and AGAIN), my blog has been without a post for entirely too long. I pondered tirelessly how I would explain my absence to you faithful readers, and I could only come up with one explanation: I'm lazy. Sorry bout it. Anyway, while I was away, I had the displeasure of sitting through this shitload of triflance. Apparently this fool named Lance Diamond (I personally have a hard time believing that Diamond is this child's name) can't wear shoes like normal people. And life has just gotten so damn hard for this child that he had to make a 5-minute long video to tell the world about his plight. This is all sorts of hot a** mess-ness for a ton of reasons, some of which I will now take you through...

1. About 30 seconds to 1 minute into the video, this fool puts his nasty-ass feet up in the camera. It's bad enough that you're bitching about your shoes on the internet, but ain't nobody tryin' to see your stank-ass feet up on their screen. That is all sorts of rude.

2. He just had to announce to the world that he goes to Virginia Tech. As if any of the rest of us were tryin to be implicated in this shitshow. there are around 26,000 students at this university, and I know damned well that 25,999 of us were taught as a child how to wear shoes. Clearly, Mr. Diamond was neglected that lesson as a child.

3. He wants to be a frat-boy. No further explanation necessary.

4. "My dad is a lawyer for Exxon, so that basically means he runs the world"... Really, bitch? Thats the logic you're using? Because thats the logic a kindergartener would use. STOP EMBARASSING US.

I could go on, but frankly, it makes my head hurt to try to sort out the illogical clusterfuck that is Lance Diamond. A statement from Mr. Diamond after the video had been released claimed that this was just a "joke video." Either he's trying to cover his ass, or he's the worst comedian since Adam Carolla. I personally think it's both. Rumor has it that he actually got a bid to one of the frats. Somehow, I think he'll fit right in. As if we need more of them running around. But, thats another topic for another post.

OUT.